How to break free from overthinking: A psychologist’s guide to calming the mind (via the mind)

We’ve all been there. A thought takes hold - something you said, something you fear, something that might happen - and before you know it, your mind is looping like a broken record.

You try to let it go, but it pulls you back in.

You reason with it, try to be realistic, but your mind keeps one-upping you: what if this, what if that. Worrying. Rumination. Overanalyzing. Playing out worst-case scenarios. And the harder you try to stop, the more entangled you become.

It keeps you up at night. It pulls you out of the moment. It prevents you from falling asleep and from being present.

But here’s the good news: Overthinking isn’t a life sentence. It’s not something that happens to you. It’s a habit; something you do. And habits can change. Neither worry nor rumination is uncontrollable. With the right strategies, they are entirely controllable, and even breakable.

Let me show you. You can try this exercise at home, straight from the pages.

A metacognitive exercise in detached mindfulness

"Why hasn't anyone taught me this before?" Louise asked, sitting across from me. We were only 40 minutes into our first session together. For five years, she had tried both medical and various psychotherapeutic treatments for her generalized anxiety and depression, yet nothing seemed to work.

Louise was tormented by constant “what if” thoughts whenever she faced something new or unpredictable – which life indeed is full of. And afterwards, if she felt that something had gone wrong, her mind would spiral for hours and hours: Could that have been avoided? Was that stupid of me? What could I have done differently? If only I had done this instead of that. Why did this happen to me?

Constantly drowning in these worries and ruminations, Louise was terrified that she had lost control of her mind. Therapy, therefore, focused on helping her re-establish control over her thoughts.

We had just completed a metacognitive exercise where Louise experienced being with her unpleasant, negative thoughts without turning them into worries or ruminations. In other words, she practiced having unwanted thoughts without doing anything about them. What happened next? The thoughts behaved like all other mental events that don't receive our attention: they disappeared on their own.

Seven therapy sessions and a lot of practice later, Louise had mastered the skill of detecting and interrupting spiraling thoughts – without medication, avoidance, distraction, or the need to replace negative thoughts with positive or realistic ones.

Let me explain the exercise we did together, called free associations.

Round 1/3: Neutral Words

"Library, highway, museum, bicycle, fish, chocolate, music, kitchen, sky, traffic, hat, forest, window, sunrise, hotel, television, carpet, blue. Okay, open your eyes again."

Before listening to this series of random words, Louise was instructed to close her eyes and remain passive, disengaged, and observant of any mental events that arose as associations with the words. These could be thoughts, images, memories, feelings, impulses, or bodily sensations.

My instruction was as follows:
"Close your eyes and take a mental step back from your thoughts. Be completely open to whatever arises in your mind as I say the words. Don’t try to control what comes up. Just leave it all alone."

After the exercise, which took about 30–60 seconds, we had the following conversation:

Me: "What happened during the exercise?"

Louise: "Different images came to mind from the words you mentioned. Sometimes there were memories or random associations, and other times, nothing at all."

Me: "Who created those images and associations? Was it you, or did they just happen?"

Me: "They just happened automatically. I didn’t really do anything."

Therapist: "How long did each one last?"

Louise: "Just a few seconds, I think – until you said the next word."

Me: "And what did you do about those thoughts and images as they came up?"

Louise: "Nothing?"

Me: "So, it seems you were able to leave your thoughts alone?"

Louise: "Yes, I would say so."

Me: "Interesting! See, this is how thoughts behave when we don’t engage with them but simply let them be. They’re surprisingly fleeting, short-lived, and tend to go away on their own. The mental state you just experienced is what we call detached mindfulness, and it's the opposite of worrying and ruminating."

The purpose of the first round is to demonstrate the nature of our thinking when we’re not involving ourselves in the process. By allowing thoughts to visit your mind without resistance, you can experience what it means to separate yourself from them and adopt the role of the detached, mindful observer. The goal is to suspend all forms